Copy-Paste Desires
When we look around us, we notice nothing special: Everyone is going about their work, everyone is busy, and that’s good. Or so we think. But if you look a little bit deeper, this nice picture gets cracks.
According to the French philosopher René Girard, the lie we are telling ourselves is that we want things because we choose them freely. When, in fact, this is not true.
An example: Say you want a Tesla. It’s a great car – but do you want it because it’s a great car? Or because you have seen Elon Musk driving around in it? Or a fancy neighbor in stylish clothing? Or because you would like to impart some of that “innovative thinking” from Tesla onto yourself?
I don’t know about you, but I can observe these thoughts in myself. And so my free choice – is a lie.
The romantic lie: We choose to desire what we want. (Illustration by Liana Finck / Luke Burgis)
Girard says, how desire works is that we desire things other people have or embody.
Have you ever watched two children play? They have dozens of toys, but once one child hones in on one toy, this toy gets VERY interesting for the other child as well. On a very simple level, this is how our desires for careers, positions, cars, apartments, etc. work as well. Other people give meaning to things.
The truth: We desire because others give meaning to things (Illustration by Liana Finck / Luke Burgis)
This means we desire things not because of their inherent value, but because we have models (people) that turn them into something valuable for us.
Thick and Thin Desires
On first sight, this sounds like a pretty fucked up situation. Luckily, there are two types of desires: Thick and thin desires.
Luke Burgis (the author of the great book “Wanting”), defines them as follows:
Thin desires are rooted in ephemeral, superficial things. They’re fleeting, mimetic desires that dominate most of life when it is lived unintentionally and easily infected by mimetic phenomena.
Thick desires have meaning. They are enduring. They have had time to form and solidify over many years or during a formative experience that is at the core of a person’s life.
So, if we think about a large number of things we are doing daily, we are most likely talking about thin desires. My Tesla example is one of them. They are copy-paste desires. They are the Patagonia-vests in VC firms.
Where does this leave us?
Copying others is normal. But if you want to live a self-directed life, it is important to be aware of this copy-paste tendency and to consciously decide to find better models.
In the great tradition of these articles, I don’t have all the answers, I’m here to make you think and maybe provide with you some first ideas.
How to cultivate thick desires
Find people around you that have walked their own path, that went against the current and learn from them.
Read books: Two books I can recommend are the Pathless Path (on finding your own path in life) and Wanting (a more in-depth exploration of Girard’s ideas in a very accessible manner)
Identify your personal values to get closer to what is meaningful to you
Work with a coach (serious coaches have done at least a couple of 100 hours of training, likely more than 300)
Think of a person who inspires you. What inspires you about them? If you have identified it: What would it look like if you expressed this in your own life?
Don’t forget, it’s all a work in progress. You will likely iterate many times on this.
What else can you think of? I would love to hear from you.
